I can’t write what I feel.
It’s 7.27 pm and it’s pouring heavily out, usually it’s a time for me to stroll in the terrace and think about my Life.
I always loved to do that, just me and the night sky let me brought out my inner voice and self
I realise a lot of thoughts that are needed to be printed in a page of heart that I will never stop learning because I can’t remember it despite of how many times I’ve learnt it but you know I’ve to remember it, for Surviving.
Whenever I come home, I feel my words forgotten no matter how much I tried to recover, just a few I can get to highlight.
I felt the Night as my Home, the clouds, stars, silence as my Companion — Because it brings me out, not that kinda of out, but free a sensation of Love, like Home.
I always Loved the silence, because it talked me back, in the form of myself and importantly it waited for my talks to get completed.
I usually have a lot of things to write about but at a certain point I can’t carry it, I feel like a Disaster or something unpleasant, to not carry what I wanted the most.
May I have it, but I don’t know to hold it anymore tighter.
I always have this urge to be better, but with my lacking mind and throbbing heart I always felt caged.
They say heart has beats, but I felt like notes, everytime I hear words in my heart as music yet I forget the notes but the music still lingers into my soul and heals my wounds.
That was ironic, They say you can’t forget a music which is dear to you, but here I can’t even recognise it’s notes.
The Notes of my Heart was Dear to me, that sounds like Piano, I wanted to hear it atleast for Once.
I feel left behind or puzzled up most of the time, just because I can’t grip over a decision that needs my opinion.
But when I was unrecognised by my own soul
I felt scattered, you can't hold above the fact you're unlovable by the person you love the most, sometimes.
You can't overcome, when it comes to you.
To me, this human world felt so alienated, I sometimes ask to God where I was a human or alien that get reincarnated in a wrong planet.
I was alienated by the World that doesn’t affected me,
But when I was unrecognised by my own soul
I felt scattered, you can’t hold above the fact you’re unlovable by the person you love the most, sometimes.
You can’t overcome the love by you, when it comes to you.
No one looked applicable to me, except my family.
I was grateful for my family, but sometimes you need some people of the society to support you too, more than that, they have to hear you and not interpret your voice until you gave a full stop to it mentally.
I met listeners, they listen but they don’t reply for what excatly I’ve words on, or I’ve speakers who haven’t got my interest in topics.
I’m not in the position to blame others or put my incompleteness towards them, I’ll just get up politely and move away.
I always felt that, I’m inexpressive not by emotions but by words.
I have mind that speaks, but when hands wanted the script in a written format or mouth wants that in a voice format, suddenly my mind dumps me out.
I can’t say what I really want most of the time by still knowing what I really want. That was Heartbreaking to my Soul.
I really wanted to pen down whatever I feel, I really love what my mind speaks to me, but why the hell, it’s Cursed for me to not get penned down?
Sometimes I sit on the desk and start to type, but I don’t have the words that echoed melodious in my mind now in my hands.
I always feel unconnected towards my mind and hands.
I wanted to write what I feel in my mind and my heart but I don’t know why I forgot the words I needed the most but I always know their emotions and impact on me.
I don’t know, why I was caged like this inside my heart.
I always felt writing better in the dark, by the silence and no sounds. I heard my voice loud in the silence and I think they are too feasible that can only heard when it’s night.
But I’ll be soon getting it back, That’s the Hope.
